exercise in communication

G chews on his shirts and has ruined several shirts.
He even chewed a hole in his very nice new Gator sweat shirt. So it got taken away for a month. Then he got it back and then he chewed it again. Then it got taken it away again. I finally mended the hole yesterday and this morning I caught him with just the tiniest bit in his mouth.

So I told him he would have to take it off and couldn't have it at school. He was upset. We're working on his ability to express frustration without freaking out. He's such a tolerant boy. He doesn't express annoyance, or boredom until he's really fed up, then he looses it. So we're working on this.

"Take off your sweater" I said.
"I can't" He said.
"You ate it, you can't have it"
"I'll be cold."
"Sorry, too bad."
"I'll be late for school" He said chewing his lip.
"Take it off"
"Sorry Mom" as he hugged my leg.
"Do you want to say "I'll try to stop"?" I asked.
"I'll try to stop"

So I let him keep it because he negotiated. I'm recognizing that our strict parenting was keeping him from learning this. We insisted that he keep doing things until he had no choice but to scream, literally. He is forced to do a lot in his life and has faced so much with a great attitude. I'm grateful that we're learning to ease up and let him learn to negotiate.

Ward Choir

Today we did an arrangement of "I know that my redeemer lives" for Ward Conference. We don't actually have a ward choir. It was just a bunch of folks I'd invited to come and who came. And it was a bunch of folks! Like 30 people. And that wasn't even everyone who'd said they would have participated if they'd not been out of town etc... Thank goodness for our Sister J who is such a great accompianist. I am so grateful for all these folks.

After Ward Conference we had a pot luck with the Ward providing fried chicken. M ate her fried chicken down to the bone. The kids each ate a lot of cookies and brownies too. All told, it was a rather great Sunday so far.

M's asleep now, even better!

I'm chilling now writing this post on one half of the screen while G watches Rescue Hero's on the other side of the screen. We use to do this a long time ago. This is a sweet life.

back in bussiness

New year. I'm back to making movies. Rather than try and catch up on last year, I'm just going to start where I am now. The back log has kept me from doing anything for the last year....

Someday I'll go back and catch up on that year. The pictures and movies are there, I just can't get through them. But shesh I love putting a movie up.

pleasant reversal

P is Executive Secretary at church. So on Wednesday he comes home from work at 6:20, and leaves for the church at 6:30. Once or twice he didn't come home at all because he'd been held up at work.

Now that P is working from home on M and W in the afternoons, we got to spend a lot of time with him just being around. It was wonderful.

Also, now that the sun is going down just a little later each night, we can go to the park in the evening again! Because with P working from home, he is done and home at 5:30, instead of on his way home from 5:30-6:15...

I told P, that now instead of being one of our worst days, maybe Wednesday will be one of our best days.

work it babies!

We've had some pretty great days lately. And consequently I have some pretty cute pictures to share of these little ones being cute.

G poses with his new jersey that I got him for $15 at Bealls. I'd seen one 2 years ago and didn't buy it. I went home and asked P if he thought it would be unreasonable to pay $15 to get a jersey for G. P said it would be awesome! I went back the next day and the jersey was gone. Finally I found one again in his size and we snatched it up.
Today we went to see G and his class do a presentation on these jobs. I don't know if it was what they want to be when they grow up, or if it is a presentation about these jobs. Anyway it was cute as anything. The kids had all memorized their parts and did great. Even better (for me) was that M and bP were happy and quiet throughout so we go to stay and watch(further gelling us as the perfect family in the eyes of Rhonda, at the school)


We have many pictures of G and M over the years in this chair at Grandma's. Now we have one with pP too. G lost took off his shirt earlier because he'd gotten chocolate sauce on it.


These are M's glam-o-ram-a sunglasses that we got from target's dollar area. Nice! They are very sturdy and I think I'll be sad when they someday break because they were such a great deal.


P let M use his headphones so she could watch PBS.org. She was very happy.

the garish day

Ok, ok, I know I have an incredibly wonderful life! Could I just get out of the habit of looking over the fence? It's something I fully acknowledge; The harder my life is, the more I see the blessings. The easier my life is, the more I pick on myself. Crazy.

Last night P ended up working until 10. This is sad/funny because he is getting to work from home part days Monday and Wednesday. So after a sort of chill afternoon, his boss called with another problem for him and that kept him busy all evening. He's never had to work from home in the past. But now that he gets to works from home he had a super late project.

The kids are all healthy, sweet and good. I'll accept that my life is pretty much amazing and get on with being happy ok? OK

moving

So it's the 6 month mark to stop unpacking from the last move and start organizing and packing for the next move. Crazy!

We're going for the Bankers Boxes from Sam's Club this time. So now things will get put in a box with a name and maybe we won't have to search so much when we get to our next destination.

I know, we're not moving for 6 months, but I can't wait to have a back yard. I feel so dumb that I lost sight of how much I wanted to not live above someone and to have a back yard for the kids. Arrrrr!

the downs

Sunday was so bad the Neighbor called. Drat!

the Money

Last night M asked P if we could go to Checkers and get french fries and a strawberry milk shake. P said they'd need to ask mom. So M asked me and I said "Well, do we have the money for that?" And M chanted in religious tones "If we don't have the money we can't buy it." So we walked over to the money envelope and found that yes we did have money to go to Checkers.

So with that in the mix we had an extravagantly awesome Saturday.

P played basketball and didn't get broken ("Don't get broken" being my parting utterance these 10 years of marriage and basketball). We hung out and then got ready for our outing.

First it was to Checkers for burgers, fries and a Large (32 oz.) strawberry milkshake.

Then off to a new playground that is a monkey bar heaven.

Then to the hardware store to get light bulbs and a dowel for M's thrift store shelf (soon to be kitchen).

Then up to the Lightner Museum to see what lots of money looked like during the depression.

The kids enjoyed this beautiful koi pond afterward and we found the official pellets so we could feed them too.
bP and P both wishing for me in their arms rather than each other...

G and M making faces at the fish.

Then it was off to one of our favorite beaches. It gets a little ridiculous living here. I mean really, we are so spoiled. I feel so blessed to be able to go to the beach any and almost every time we feel like it.

G, king of the rocks, surveys his kingdom with satisfaction.

It was such a wonderful day I kept thinking someone would probably have to get injured or kidnapped to make the scales even out. Luckily we just got away with a wonderful day. Wonderful.

Discipline part 3

Acknowledge your role in the situation: I can be frustrated that the trash is overflowing, but I should accept that I'm the one putting trash in... When your kids are bothering you while you're on the phone, or on the computer you are part of that equation. Would their asking you to play hide and seek bother you so much if you were making yourself available to them?

Wednesday I was bad. We came home while G was at school for a REC day (so 5 hours instead of 2.5). We didn't go to a single playground. Lame. Should I be surprised that M was rotting her brain on TV and acting up? Yet Thursday we went to 3 playgrounds to make up for it and she was still wild. Ach. Moderation!

Be nice to your kids. Pay attention to them. Praise them. Hold their hand and tell them you love them.

Bedtimes are tough around here. Everyone is tired and most of the time at least one person is crying. Those rare times when bP is settled down and we've finished scriptures and prayer, I love to give M the thing she loves best. Stories! I'll snuggle in bed with her and hold her hand and tell her as many stories as I can think up. I love how appreciative she is.

Discipline part 2

Praise Sandwich: praise, correct, praise.
I learned this idea back when I was in high school. As a student leader leading other students it was important to tell them something good they were doing, correct the problem, and give another compliment. Then as a teacher we learned this more formally. As a mom I use it all day.

You can't take good behavior for granted. As M walks across the long stretch of living room that she would love to run across, I compliment her. You certainly don't want to be scolding the children all the time. Praising them almost every time they do it right not only rewards them with your attention for going good, it reminds them to do it the right way.

Kids like attention. They will do what gives them attention. If a parent only gives them negative attention, they'll settle for that and go about getting as much as they can get.

When M or G does something that I haven't actually told them several times Not to do, I ask them "Did you know that ... is wrong behavior?" Assume they don't know because even if they did know they were probably having fun and it's hard to remember when you're having fun.

Hate the sin, love the sinner... Always refer to the behavior as being wrong or good. The child themselves is loved always. Sometimes their Behavior might make us sad, but they make us happy. This is really important because they learn that they can change behavior. If they are taught that they themselves are bad, it can lead them to always choosing actions that they feel are in accordance with that self image.

Golden Rule: Don't treat them as you would not like to be treated. I don't like to be hurried, I try to remember that when we're running behind... I don't like to be forced to eat things I don't like. I don't like being yelled at. I don't like being ignored. I don't like it when people won't forgive me and move on...

discipline part 1

Love and logic: offer choices.
"Do you want your pink shoes or your brown shoes?"
Only offer a choice you are ok with. "Do you want these shoes or are you going barefoot?"
Offering the behavior you are unhappy about, as an option, is confusing to anyone, especially a child.

Threats: follow through.
Only make threats you are willing to carry out.
"If you don't stop kicking me I am going to leave."
"If you don't eat this sandwich, I will."

Kids need to be taught boundaries. If they are given options that are not really an option, that is confusing. If they are told there will be consequences but there never are how are they to learn to obey? And how are they going to develop a sense of boundaries for themselves in relation to others? Kids push the boundaries like leaning on a wall. It reassures them that it doesn't move.