Today the kids did a zoom meeting for cousins and they played a game that one family couldn't access. I'm so disappointed in them for letting what a few wanted, exclude others. I don't eat sugary treats but I let them. Maybe they've learned that it's OK to do something one person can't enjoy. Or maybe they are kids.
Next week they are responsible to make sure the game is something everyone can play, or else they have to step out and not play.
Today I walked 3 miles then went to a Sisters in Fitness class at church. P won an auction for an amazingly nice basketball hoop so we went to pick that up. It was quite a work out to take it apart and get it in the van, then put it back together at home. P and I work together well. We have a good style of taking turns with the tools and being helpful to one another.
In the afternoon we met up with the M family. They brought a weed wacker and we brought a rake to the church. We cleaned out the gaga ball pit and played for an hour. It was a lot of fun to work with them and hang out.
We finished the Book of Mormon Timeline and have plotted out the time scale for the Science Timeline.
3000BC to 0AD
1000AD-1800AD
1848AD to 2000 AD
The corner mark is 1848 when 0 degrees Kelvin was discovered.
I'm really looking forward to plotting different discoveries, maths and inventions on a time scale. I love time lines.
Today we watched the Inauguration of President Biden. I was moved by the singing, signed pledge of allegiance and poem. I'm glad we watched it. I pray President Biden will be boring. I hope he will be good and inspiring.
The first time I encountered Love and Logic it was 2001. I was at a teacher inservice before the school year started. At the time I was newly graduated, newly married, kind of grown up and trying to be a band director. The idea of giving children choices to get them to do what you wanted them to do seemed pretty good.
20 years later, I have 5 children ages 16-5 and have had the privilege of attending more Love and Logic trainings via my son's school.
These are my notes from today:
Enforceable statements When you _____ I will ______
Mistakes are learning opportunities
Resist temptation to nag
Use few words and consistent loving actions
Delay consequences so you can respond with compassion
Let children solve their own problems
Kids don’t learn from people they don’t like – fay
Daily notice something and voice it about your children. See them.
“What % of your attention do I have?”
Give choices before the child becomes resistant. When they have chocies, they learn that their choices have consequences!
Choices
Will you wear it or carry it?
Will you be home by 10:30 or 11?
Are you going to turn your phone off or ignore your friends during dinner?
Treat yourself with love and logic. Give yourself choices.
Come up with questions to ask Penny in typical tense situations.
Lead with choices. Choices after their resistance reinforce the resistance.
A child’s job is to get everything out of you.
When the child is resistant, you go a different direction: Need more information.
Prep the children. This is where we’re going. This is what I’m expecting of you.
When they argue, make them problem solve and talk it out.
The epiphany I had today is that Love and Logic is not about how to get kids to do what you want. It's how to develop the habit in themselves, to make choices. To live a life where you respond instead of react. I need to have love and logic for myself, and let them have love and logic for themselves because it is our relationships with ourselves that are most important to develop.
CVS has a member program I joined in December and saved some money. This month I was able to save a lot of money again. The program costs $5 monthly, but gives a monthly $10 card + other savings like a $4 off $20 coupon. We don't use a lot of pharmacy items so I will probably drop this coverage soon. But for a few months I'll try to use the benefit to stock up on toiletries and stuff. Tonight we were able to save $30 buying re-chargeable batteries for the boys RC cars. Yay! Really we saved $14 and got an extra set of batteries we didn't need out of a Buy 2 get one free promo.
Savings are tricky. If you're buying things you don't need, to save money that is not an actual benefit.
I spent the last 2 days listening to court proceedings via phone for my dad. He plans to get married and wanted things changed with the guardianship situation. His lawyers have always bought into his claim that we wanted to stop his access to scams so our inheritance would not be diminished. This accusation is so horrible and false. We are against dad being taken advantage of because it is wrong and he lacks the ability to look out for his best interest anymore.
My sister L made a insight that Dad wants us to value him for his money because it is how he values himself. I think it's obvious from our life choices that money is not the main motivator in our lives. Before my mother passed, she gathered the family, that was what she valued most. She also shared all her favorite hobbies, art, clothes, jewelry with us. She loved seeing the things she loved, being given to another. I love having these tangible reminders of her. I wish I had understood better at the time, the gift of valuing her things, and accepted more.
The Lord says "If you love me, keep my commandments." Our dad says "If you love me, lust after my money. Don't look at any flaws I had as a parent or husband." He sees it as a rejection of him if we say we don't want his money, even as he likes to throw that in our faces, claiming we do want his money.
Money can be freedom, but it can also be captivity.
I wake up a little after 7 in the morning without an alarm. I put on my shoes, load up my phone and earbuds, then I walk 4 miles around the neighborhood. I listen to podcasts, the Moth, Ted Talks, Revisionist History, other stories. I love that this is so easy and peaceful.
We were talking about revelation recently and I shared with the children my biggest revelation. I prayed to see if it was OK to like P. I got the answer that I was going to marry him. I remember feeling a little annoyed that I hadn't asked about marriage! : ) I'm grateful for a loving God who gave answers that led me to courage. I'd not had experience with my interest being reciprocated. But this answer helped me be calm when P wrote me a birthday card within that week, declaring his love.
I asked P why people like me, because I know lots of people who don't feel so universally liked. We agreed that I am both a people pleaser, and nice.
Leadership is a hobby of mine and one thing I have learned in the past 2 years is to slow down my response time. I let others respond first, or I let a question go unanswered for a while. This allows others to grow. Leaders find/name the genius of others and put them to work.
In Liz Wiseman's "Multipliers" I learned about Accidental Diminishers. These are behaviors that some leaders have that work against developing others, and hurt organizations. "Idea Guy" thinks they are the only one that has valuable ideas. "Always On"other people step back because the leader does everything. "Rescuer" does things that people can do for themselves and inhibits growth. "Pacesetter" expects others to match their excellence, leaving others behind. "Rapid Responder" replies fast so others just wait and don't bother trying. "Optimist" is so jazzed with optimism that they don't recognize legitimate obstacles, demotivating their group. "Protector" mama-bear doesn't let anyone grow. "Strategist" and "Perfectionist"... There are a lot of leadership styles that really hurt people.
I've learned about the 4 agreements: Be impeccable with the word, Take nothing personally, Assume nothing, and do your best. This brings peace.
I love improvement and work to be more effective and grow the abilities of others.
