Thursday, February 12, 2015

Advice for young people

Marriage is awesome.  Don't play around with relationships that last years but don't move toward marriage.  And for goodness sake don't move in together and play house.  You deserve an eternal relationship and you don't get there by "giving it a go" or "trying things out".  You've got to find the best person you possibly can, and that might take a long time.  And you've got to both be committed to eternity. 

Also, be mindful of the flexibility of male and female roles.  Sometimes the wife will support the family.  Sometimes the husband will support the family.  It's not uncommon for both to be working, especially in the beginning of a marriage.  Both need to be helping with the house, cooking and chores.  That way everyone understands the value of each contribution.

Many young enthusiastic wives juggles all the roles of student, worker, and housemaker.  Sometimes they do all this even while the husband is just a student, or between school and work, aka unemployed.  That man is not going to appreciate the work it takes to raise children and will assume his wife, that used to "work" is now just hanging out all day.  Women, don't let your husbands grow up to be 13 year olds!

This was the pattern of the first 3 years of our marriage.  Even with the marriage prep class and the couples seminars we attended, I didn't know to ask him to do more.   I felt like it was my job to do it all.  I lucked out with a husband that does value the difficulty of raising children (thank you mother in law!).  We made it past those years.  We made it to the stage of us fulfilling traditional roles and supporting one another in those roles.  I wish we'd known to demand more of ourselves in the beginning. 

Marriage is awesome, and it is work.  It doesn't just turn out fine by luck.

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