The first time I encountered Love and Logic it was 2001. I was at a teacher inservice before the school year started. At the time I was newly graduated, newly married, kind of grown up and trying to be a band director. The idea of giving children choices to get them to do what you wanted them to do seemed pretty good.
20 years later, I have 5 children ages 16-5 and have had the privilege of attending more Love and Logic trainings via my son's school.
These are my notes from today:
Enforceable statements When you _____ I will ______
Mistakes are learning opportunities
Resist temptation to nag
Use few words and consistent loving actions
Delay consequences so you can respond with compassion
Let children solve their own problems
Kids don’t learn from people they don’t like – fay
Daily notice something and voice it about your children. See them.
“What % of your attention do I have?”
Give choices before the child becomes resistant. When they have chocies, they learn that their choices have consequences!
Choices
Will you wear it or carry it?
Will you be home by 10:30 or 11?
Are you going to turn your phone off or ignore your friends during dinner?
Treat yourself with love and logic. Give yourself choices.
Come up with questions to ask Penny in typical tense situations.
Lead with choices. Choices after their resistance reinforce the resistance.
A child’s job is to get everything out of you.
When the child is resistant, you go a different direction: Need more information.
Prep the children. This is where we’re going. This is what I’m expecting of you.
When they argue, make them problem solve and talk it out.
The epiphany I had today is that Love and Logic is not about how to get kids to do what you want. It's how to develop the habit in themselves, to make choices. To live a life where you respond instead of react. I need to have love and logic for myself, and let them have love and logic for themselves because it is our relationships with ourselves that are most important to develop.
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