I belong to a group that has bylaws. One of the bylaws is that if you don't like something, talk to the person in charge. If you can't come to an agreement, bring witnesses. If you still can't agree, talk to management. If you still can't agree, you can ask everyone! Someone in the organization skipped right to the tell everyone. They accused another member and shared a lot of personal stories with incorrect details to make the other member look like a mean person. Ironically their big complaint was that this person had called them, of all things "Mean Girl."
So many feelings of rage can be avoided if we have the courage to deal with things ourselves. Don't hide your feelings. If you think someone is not kind, stop going to their house. Stop taking their gifts. Stop pretending to like them. Talk to them and after hearing their side, let. it. go.
When you bury resentments in the name of civility, these resentments sprout like weeds in your heart. Weeds grow fast, overshadowing your ability to see positive aspects of your relationship with the person.
I was also included in the attacks once I told the person they should apologize publicly and work out their feelings privately. I know I have acted with integrity and don't feel intimidated or shamed by these attacks.
I tell my daughters that bad things will happen. Sometimes the actions of others will hurt us and the sooner we speak up about that the sooner we have a chance to make a change. If we speak up immediately, we might be able to save ourselves from a lot of pain. If we speak up within a few days, we may be able to keep someone else from getting hurt. Speak up.
Beware of being offended on behalf of others. If Sarah tells you that someone did something, you should believe her but don't go making accusations yourself. Support Sarah in making the report.
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