New year's eve party

We had the deaf families over today for a lunch party.  It was really fun to have some time to chat with my friends in a setting where it didn't matter if my kids were running around.  I've been meaning to have them all over for a long time so it's good we got to do it.  I'd like to do this more often, inviting over several families I love and just relax!

Some drama that overshadowed the day:  G wanted to play with a toy and get me to fix it while I was making pizza for the party.  He kept asking and we kept telling him it wasn't a good time.  Then when I was done, I said yes, he could have the part, but P was fed up with is pestering by then.  So P said "No" and G stormed off to his room and spent the whole party reading in his book.  So T and E were sad they couldn't hang out with him. 

M wasn't being careful and hit a child with the tireswing.  That child cried until they threw up!  Fortunately her mom got her to the tile and her dad cleaned it up so we were all in shock, but able to move on.  I hadn't had much sleep so in my attempt to help I smashed into the gate and cut my hand.  Go, fight, win!

Another little boy was running and hit his head on one of the chairs. 

But mostly it was great and I felt more relaxed than I usually do at parties.  It probably helped a lot that this was mostly adults.  So I didn't really need to be keeping small children out of things or off the table except my own...

I need to ween L.  It's hard to just say it's time, but it is time. 

Homeschooling church

At the park, a grandma with a 2 year old and I struck up a conversation.  It came out that I have 5 children and that I homeschool.  I also go to church and send the children to Sunday school.  "I thought you said you homeschool?"  She said.  That gave me pause thinking "Why do I homeschool them for some things but not church?"  Well, I do homeschool them for church, but I also participate in a community where they are able to experience the example and teaching of other members of the community.  And we have scripture and prayer study at home as well as general moral instruction, daily...

My sister is the bomb.  She homeschools her 9 children and currently keeps them home from primary for various reasons.  Instead of primary the children come home and study the gospel with their mom.  The family has a daily devotional with singing.  She is really schooling them in the gospel.

I think the general population is uncomfortable with homeschooling because they imagine unregulated instruction of children is possible, and the comparison of time invested makes them uncomfortable.  Yet children in school with involved parents are very successful at the tasks of school.  And children at church with involved parents are also likely to be very successful at church. 

Homeschool parents are a lot like highly involved school parents.  I know moms who are at their child's school weekly for several hours.  Wow!  As a homeschool mom, that's about how much I show up for my children's education.   I check in to see if they've done their work.  I remind them to do their work.  And if they have a question, I try to help.  I don't actually have to teach them much.  They are amazing!

Tonight we did read a book about snowflakes and then we went and cut up snowflakes and decorated the front room.  Oh yeah.  I felt so school-y.

My mother in law gave me a history curriculum for Christmas.  I'm really looking forward to going through the course with the children.  I never had a good relationship with history. 

Modeling a good attitude toward learning is such a benefit to your children. 

"Your hands are full!"

When I'm out at the store, or other setting where it is obvious that the children are all with me, people like to say "Your hands are full."  I think it's pretty interesting to see that the legal limits for child care centers are insanely high.   Imagine if I had 4 infants with me trying to navigate the store.  Or 15 4 year olds.  People aren't used to seeing so many children at once.  They think of children in terms of <2 or="" parents="" with="">15 in a school setting.   It's really interesting.  Yet so many parents are putting their young children in these situations.  You would never think of taking care of 4 infants at once.  That would be insane!  Yet people are willing to leave their infants in these situations where the care provider will be stressed out and not able to give much attention to their child.  Duh!  I think it is ironic that parents of twins are acknowledged to be very overwhelmed.  And if a parent has 3+ it is assumed that they will be hiring help because how on earth would anyone take care of 3 babies at once!?

 Even leaving your small children in the care of family or grandparents, there is a reason grandparents are not having infants of their own.  They are too old to take care of an active baby, unless they had their own children very early.

 I'm really grateful that I was raised with an example of full time homemaking mother.  P also was raised to respect the work of mothering as real, hard work.  

 Child care workers are not paid well and the training/education requirements are very low.  This is one more reason why putting your child in a bad situation.  Why would you put your child in the care of someone who is not college educated and under financial stress from not being well paid, by the parents of the children in their care?

 Today we went to see a movie for the first time in 2 years...  We left the children with a dear friend and her family of 9.  Fortunately the children all big kids can play together well and she just had her hands full with our 15month old and her 2 year old.  Yet this falls within the legal requirements of a daycare!     

Child-to-Staff Ratios

Florida Statutes require child care providers not exceed the following staff-to-child ratios (Note: Some counties may have more restrictive ratios than those required by the state.)
For licensed child care facilities:

• Children under 12 months:  1 to 4
• Children age 12 to 23 months:    1 to 6
• Children age 24 to 35 months:    1 to 11
• Children age 36 to 47 months:    1 to 15
• Children age 48 months to 59 months:  1 to 20
• Children age 60 months (5 years old) or older:   1 to 25

A family child care provider may care for one of the following groups of children:

• 1 to 4:    from birth to 12 months of age
• 1 to 6:    if no more than three are under 12 months
• 1 to 10:   as long as at least five children are school-age and no more than two are under 12 months of age
• 2 to 8:    if more than 4 children under 24 months old
• 2 to 12:   if no more than 4 children are under 24 months old

Holiday Ambitions

This holiday season has been great.  I say this right before we celebrate G's birthday tomorrow and Christmas the next day...  Our homeschool group didn't meet this month and we had less obligations so we had more time to celebrate our own traditions.

We got up the 25 days clip board and filled the slots with exciting things like going to the carousel, and the car wash!  Then we got sick and wound up off on most days.  But we tried and succeeded in many fun things this season.  We made sugar cookies for the first time in at least a year.  It was even a pleasant experience for me, except for the fact that I ate a bunch of them...  I let each child come in and cut an entire pan of 3 shapes they chose.  Then I let them frost the ones they cut out much later in the evening.

Today we did a little caroling.  It was much less than I'd thought we would, but it was more than the zero caroling we have done in the last 4 years.

On Sunday we will go to church.  G will recite the 12th article of faith to pass off his Faith in God award.  We'll sing as a family, and M will play the piano.  Then if all goes according to plan, G will get ordained!

I made a few gifts this year.  I had pictures printed and sent a few letters this year. But mostly I appreciated that I am blessed with a very low threshold of Christmas compulsion.

This picture says it all.  See those lights?  Taped up with measuring tape masking tape my father in law gave us for Christmas last year.  See this awesome little boy?  He's got double ear infections.  See that ribbon around his neck?  It's his gold medal he got in his shoe from St. Nicholas (aka G who sneaked out during a round of hide and seek to fill shoes waiting on the porch, with golden treasures.  B wears it every day.  See this cookie house that is fabulously decorated, not falling apart, and on a holiday styrofoam plate that came with the house?  Oh yeah.  I made 6 of these houses, carefully cutting the pieces and setting them with white chocolate.  I also used white chocolate to glue it to the plate.  The frosting the kids used to stick the treats on was too runny.  But we did use a lot of colorful cereal and minimal candy.  I was really pleased with it.  So was B.

So was M.  M will fill the stockings this year.

In general I don't like a lot of holiday traditions.  I'm a scrooge.  But I am grateful for eager children willing to pick up the slack and bring magic for one another.

don't speak

P has this story from his teenage years when someone said something unkind to him.  That person probably didn't even register their comment as unkind.  But it lives on. 

I like to talk.  Just to hear myself talk.  I need to just stop.

Single parents

I say a lot of stupid things.  But I hope I never claim to be "basically a single parent."  I've heard women say this when their husbands are traveling or sick.  Being without your spouse for reasons of work or illness for weeks or months at a time is not, in my mind, being a single parent.  Having grown up in a home where my parents did not live in the same house for 8 years (2 living apart, 5+ divorced) I take exception to this complaint.  It's like someone who is feeling sick saying they "basically have cancer."

Single parents are single for a variety of reasons ranging from death of spouse, betrayal of spouse, never had a spouse.  And single parents provide for themselves through various means, from child support, government aid, full time work.  While some single parents retain the support of a co-parent that can provide assistance with child care, financial support, or other, they aren't a spouse. 

So I think my main beef with this complaint is that to me single parents are not married, and these women are married.  And while these women are stressed out by a temporary time of increased burden on themselves, they still have a spouse to share the burden with when they get back from travel, or sickness.  This complaint denies the true difficulty faced by people who are actual single parents and expresses ingratitude for the marriage that is still intact.

What I would like to say is "I'm sorry that you don't have the support of your husband right now.  I hope your marriage continues to bless your lives."

teach boys to protect

Tonight G was wrestling with his sister.  P was very upset considering the situation with a football team boycotting to show support of their 10 team mates suspended for sexual assault.  From an article in the NYT "Of 12 accused parties, the report found, despite conflicting accounts, that 10 players had violated university policy on sexual harassment and that four had violated sexual assault policies."

I hate when kids play boys against girls.  In my experience it is always initiated by the boys that want to womp on the girls.  And the girls, people pleasers to their detriment, go along with it.  I tell my kids that Women and men need to work together.  That is God's plan for us.  A girl might compete with a boy, but pitting girls against boys is always cowardly.

We talk to the children about how they are to only one in charge of their body.  I often tell them "I'm a person and I don't like how you are touching me.  I'm leaving."  Just because I'm their mom doesn't give them a right to squish, pull or bash into me.

G will be 12 next week.  He hasn't been as proactive as M about reading up on human reproduction.  G has a friend that is a few months younger who is a fan of challenging or excluding girls.  I call the kid out on it.  I make sure G and M know that his attitudes are stupid.  The boys father is awesome so hopefully he'll get straightened out.  But we need to teach G that being a man involves protecting women.  Real men cherish and appreciate the women in their lives.  The world is full of lies on how men should act to women.  Pornography is a product of treating women as a goal, instead of people.  So it's important to learn the righteous way to think of and treat women.  And it's important to learn to talk to your mind to combat feelings that are wicked.  Like "Boys are better than girls."  No, we're all children of God and god wants men to love and respect women.