independant bike rider

 L started riding his bike to school alone this week.  It's hard to let him do that but it is also awesome that he wants to and can.  I will be leaving for school tomorrow morning.  Knowing L can get himself to school makes it easier for me to leave when I need to for classes.  I'm grateful for his big heart.

Grief and relief

 I saw on FB a post about someone sending groceries instead of flowers.  It reminded me of Sister Harrell who filled up our freezer when G was sick.  That reminded me of Kathy M who came to the hospital and force P and I to go home for a few hours.  When my sister has a baby I send snacks in bulk.

Last night for FHE I gave a lesson on behalf of G.  I told the family about Tracie S who is amazing.  We all know she is amazing.  I told them about how she has a sister with severe disabilities and how that impacted who Tracie became.  She became a helper.  Another siblings response have been to disconnect from the family.  “We always have choices, so I’ll choose Him.”

fall 2024 when we all went to school

The 4 younger kids started school on August 1st.  L is alone at the elementary school.  B and lP are at the middle school together.  It's nice to see B growing as the little brother.  He's been looking out for L for the past 10 years!  The next time they will be in school together will be B's senior year when L will be a freshman.  M is a senior.  Amazing.

P started at a new school on the 2nd.  This school has a much higher achieving population.  It is also just 12 minutes from our house in the opposite direction from usual rush hour traffic.  He's had a great first week of classes.  Even though he is having to write his classes from scratch, he has such an easy population to teach.  He is loving it.

P is driving G to Gtowne today.  He'll start classes on the 19th.   We have worked with G to get the FAFSA paperwork and have left a lot of details up to him.  He hopefully will be able to find a place to stay.  It's so hard to let kids go and do things themselves.

I'm starting a graduate degree program for Speech Therapy on Thursday!  I'm really excited about this field and the potential to have a career from age 50-65.  I'd enjoy doing home health.  I'd enjoy working with kids.  I'd like to do telehealth as I age and hope to be available to visit my kids and their future families.

We've had a really crazy year.  Things were really horrible in February and then they stayed not good for many months.  In July we finally got some movement toward a positive family future.  Here we are in August and so much has been resolved.  I'm so grateful for our strong marriage and how we've been able to be kind and loving to each other in these adverse times.  God did not lead us here to "abandon us in the wilderness."  We have been so blessed.

family fun

 G got the kids set up with 4 player mariokart.  I love it when they are all doing something together.

G also taught L how to make PB candy. 

G will go to Gtowne in a week to start college.  This has been a hard season for him but I hope he has a good start in Gtowne.

Broken desserts

 I made a dessert to celebrate P’s first day at his new school.  L, M and I didn’t eat any.  It is weird that we’re a family of 7 and can’t/don’t finish a small pan of  brownies.

Also, M asked for a haircut not done by a family member.  The stylist did a lovely job.

Remember Ricki Lake?

 When I was a kid there were shows like "Ricky Lake" and "Dr. Phil".  These shows interviewed regular people who had something terrible happen to them.  This interview was choreographed to be super emotional and often involved the person who hurt them showing up mid-interview for more shame and emotional manipulation.  

One of our kids got into instagram without permission and keeps fighting us to get back on.  They had multiple instances of posting inappropriate things.  They act like it is a privilege that was taken away.  They never had permission.

With instagram you can put yourself on the "Ricky Lake Show".  Tell people inappropriate, embarrassing things.  Make allegations.  Get a lot of sympathy and negative mental health hits.  Ohh.  Yay.

Werewolf

 We took care of my niece B last week.  Spending time with her, without the people who usually spend time with her, was eye-opening.  She hasn't spent her whole life getting me to buy treats, so when I say "no" for the 5th time, she stops.  I'm not having conversations with her family so she's not interrupting my conversations with those family members.  I got used to her sense of humor and could appreciate or ignore things like her pretending to want to do something dangerous, or touching wine bottles at the store.  In many ways she seems cognitively like a 5 year old.  Once I made that mental shift it didn't bother me when she asked questions like a 5 year old, or needed help like a 5 year old, or got into things like a 5 year old.  It helped my children to be warned to ignore her vocalizations during scripture and prayer.  They could understand she was just trying to get a reaction.

She missed her family a lot and called them every day.  She started spending more and more time in the beanbag bed before her dad came.  Then she perked right back up.

I've often wondered what is God's plan for people with disabilities?  How is this just?  It's not.  It's not supposed to be.  We are all different, and born into different circumstances that largely dictate what choices we have in this life.  But what choices remain, we are accountable for.  

The kids like to play a game called Werewolf which is a lot like mafia.  I don't like the game because the Werewolf is supposed to lie and say they are not the werewolf.  But that is the game.  That is life.  

We all have different roles that we play during the very brief mortal life.  We close our eyes, and open them not knowing what roles others have, not even knowing what role we have sometimes.  But we are to do the best we can during this life and not be jerks.

In the next life there will be no disability.  We will all be more glorious than we were here.  But we will have to rely on the Savior to atone for the mistakes we made here.